29 Tips that Revolutionized Dating for Me: The Final Advice for Awkward Guys

Like an awkward guy who can’t stop texting a cute girl, I’m back. But it’s just for this one last entry! I realize I had accumulated a decent amount of writing material for my book, something I collected over the three years of dating blogging I’ve done. Sadly, I won’t finish the book. However, I can post a summary of my dating insights here. Please excuse the rough-draft vibe, since I didn’t have time to polish. Hope you enjoy.

1. Drop the Old Cookie. If you’ve had your mind on a female for more than one week without contacting her, she’s become stale. It’s too late. Guys love to hold onto phone numbers, emails, and even Facebook friendships, even if they met the girl weeks or months ago, just in case they want to reach out and say “what’s up” to that hottie. What an emotional crutch! Let go of Old Cookies and go for fresh targets only.

2. No Girlfriend for One Year. Your troubles in dating is because you want a girlfriend badly, so badly that it is hurting your efforts. You fail, even before you meet a woman for the first date, because you reek of desperation. For one year, just one lousy sports season, let go of the notion of having an exclusive, committed relationship. You can still date and get to know women, but it’s the pressure-free, obsession-free attitude that will liberate you and make you a better dating man.

3. Kill the Nice Guy. Nice is not good. Nice is cheap, bland, boring and common. When a woman says, “You’re a nice guy…” this is the kiss of death. Don’t get me wrong. When you’re with a woman on a date, be polite and friendly. But learn to flirt, even tease her, all in good intentions, of course. Shut down the Nice Guy act, and learn to be good, firm, silly and charming.

4. All It Takes is Two Dates. How do you know if a woman likes you? How do you know if you should continue dating her? All it takes is two dates! Not one, not three, not seven. What you do is 1) ask her out a date, 2) go on the date, 3) wait a few days, 4) ask her out for a second date, 5) go on the second date and 6) nothing. Let her ask you out for the third date. This is where most men fail. They want to do everything in dating and then wonder why women become unresponsive. It’s because we don’t give them a damn chance to reciprocate. Women need challenges, too. It’s The Year 20-freaking-14, after all. If she likes you, she will bring something up like, “Hey! You want to do blah-blah-blah with me this weekend?” Bingo. If she can’t do that for a third date, especially when the two of you recently had a pair of good one-on-one encounters, ditch her.

5. Just Call Her. Well, duh. You can text her an epic romance novel, but it still won’t beat a simple “How are you?” from the soothing, baritone voice of yours when you call her for the first time. Your voice, over millions of years, has been genetically engineered to be sexually attractive to women. Texting has not. At the end of the call, ask her out. I promise you will not resort to texting as much once you experience how easy and fun calling a date becomes.

6. Greet with Warmth & Confidence. Hug, not a handshake. Make a quick but firm hug. Pull her in, squeeze and immediately let go. Smile big, even if you feel like a big dork that you were back in high school. Master the Art of the First Date Hug and you will go places, brother.

7. Say My Name, Say My Name. It’s a fact: Repeating a date’s name over and over while conversing with her will absolutely get you laid that night. Ok, maybe not laid, but still it has a very positive effect. People usually like hearing his/her own name, so say it as often as you can, and then say it some more. Just make sure you’re saying it right and the right version. For instance, even though her official name is Jennifer, she might strongly prefer Jen and not Jenny.

8. Nickname Her. Once I caught a date giggling quietly for the third time. We were only twenty minutes into our first date. I yelled at her, “Are you giggling again?! I didn’t even do anything funny!” Of course, that made her giggle more. I declared, “I’m gonna call you Giggles from now on.” And I did. She loved it. Brother, understand that a nickname from you to her is like a stamp of ownership. You’re mine now. Just make sure it’s not offensive, not at the slightest, nor bro-ish manly. Giggles, Freckles, Dimples, Cheeks, Bubbles and Blondie are safe.

9. The Neck Tie Effect. It’s hard to see a man with a tie on a first date these days. Why? We want to be cool, casual, even hipster. I say it’s lame. Go against the flow and try something classic and unique, like a neck tie. Trying just a little more than the rest of the crowd will give you better ROI.

10. The Bow Tie Effect. This is one-up-ing the Neck Tie. Rocking a bow tie means you have balls muy grandes. Throw on a sport coat and to your date you have become The Man of Mystery. She can’t wait to go home and start gossiping about you to her girlfriends, who will immediately label you as the Bow Tie Guy. You’re in.

11. Drop-kick the Table. Dates go bad because usually you and the woman are at a place where there is a table between you. What other instances do you speak with someone unfamiliar across a table? The only examples I can think of are job interviews, the principal’s office when you were a mischievous wee lad, and interrogations at a police department. These are all nerve-freaking-wracking. So ditch the table, and go somewhere where you and the lady can be side-by-side instead of directly across. Take a walk along the river or lake, sit on a bench with coffee, have a cocktail at a quiet bar, or try a new dish at an up-and-coming eatery where they have no table service.

12. Reach Out and Touch Her. When you greet her, touch her with a hug. When you open the door for her, touch her with a gentle hand on her back. When you sit side-by-side with her, touch her on the knee for just a second, especially when you two are having a good time. Take up palm reading. It’s the best excuse to touch her hands.

13. The One Hour First Date. Short and sweet, baby. Nothing good lasts too long and the first date is no exception. Many adult males can be charming and interesting for just about an hour, but like a bad stand-up comedian, we start running out of things to say beyond sixty minutes. So forget having dinner for the first date. Instead, opt for coffee and a scenic walk where there are plenty of benches and people enjoying the sights. Or one nightcap drink at the local pub works fine, too.

14. Thursday 9pm or Saturday 4pm. Having a specific day and time of the week for your one hour date sounds silly at first but it has worked well for me. When you are a dating man, you need to have a flow of first dates, not just one or two every quarter. Instead being a headless chicken and riddling your week with all sorts of awkward encounters from online dating personalities, one weekday evening (preferably Wed or Thu) and one weekend afternoon (preferably Sat) set aside for dates. This way you know exactly what day and time to suggest when you are ready to ask a woman out.

15. Vegan Ice Cream First Date. Coffee and drinks can too bland, too boring or too douche-ish for a first date. Try something novel, like organic tea, a meatball shop, frozen yogurt, or my personal favorite, vegan ice cream. That should raise eyebrows.

16. Take My Arm, I insist. When the first date ends, regardless of how well it went, lead the woman to her car or her subway stop. When you do, ask her to take your arm as you bend your elbow to her. This has got to be the most under-appreciated, surprisingly effective move on a date. Again, it does not matter if you think the date went well or not. Just offer your damn arm and try not to take a “No, that’s okay” for an answer. This small act may change everything.

17. Crossing a Street? Hold Her Hand. Don’t argue with me. Just reach for her hand, grab it, walk across the street, and continue to hold. If her grasp becomes weak, let it go and –as an excuse– scratch your nose. But if she continues to have a decent grip to your hand, proceed.

18. The Twelve Hour Second Date. If you’re going to hang out again, make it epic. Make the second date with you destroy all the other second dates she has had with other guys. I once had a Twelve Hour Second Date that went like this: coffee (3pm), walk along the river (5pm), dinner (7pm), accompanying the date to a friend’s casual birthday party (10pm), drinks (12am), and walking her home (2am). The crazy part is the date and I had only planned for an afternoon coffee. You can’t plan a second date that lasts half-day, but you can create an environment that leads to it. Obviously a long second date works if the date is in early in the day and both daters have a hankering for spontaneity. Try hiking on a weekend morning, it’s a great opener.

19. Go in for the kill. At the right time, grab her around her waist, pull her in close to you, look deeply into her eyes for a moment and move in for the kiss. Before this you can even give her a heads-up by asking, “What if I kissed you right now?” If she is not running away from you, this is a good sign.  A passionate lip-to-lip kiss has to happen within the first three dates for you to move forward with her. If a kissy-kiss-kiss does not happen by the end of a third date, drop her.

20. Women cannot resist a cooking man. Learn to prepare at least one good meal that includes main dish, salad, dessert and wine. Light up a candle or two. This is good for a second or third date, but sometimes works for a first date as well.

21. Don’t meet women. Make women meet you. “I want to meet women who are in shape,” my friend says. So he joined a yoga class. That didn’t work out well for him, because he discovered women are not interested in talking to him when they are wearing tight clothing and glistening with sweat. “Why don’t you become a yoga instructor?” I asked him. He looked at me in bewilderment and shook his head. But I wonder. Guys who are yoga instructors see, meet and talk with women who are in shape (or getting there) all the time. In fact, the women come to them. No wonder most guys struggle in dating. We make such mediocre effort, and then we cry foul at the mediocre results.

22. Take up Self Improvement as a Serious Hobby. On that note about yoga, women just love everything about improving oneself, especially the body. If you as a straight man take up a subject of physical self-improvement –say The Paelo Diet– there is a strong chance you will be surrounded by women.

23. Make that Serious Hobby into a Blog. The man who is brave enough to express himself to strangers is one worth meeting in person. “Your dating blog will help your own dating life way better than any dating site,” commented my female friend. She was right. So, so right.

24. Get a Dog. Some women drool over men with dogs. If you thought of having one, check your local shelter now. Your trustworthy score goes through the roof when a woman finds out you are the daddy for a pup.

25. Live Alone. No, you’re not in Entourage. No, you can’t bro it up forever with your roommates. If you have a full-time job, you should be able to shack it up solo. I don’t care if you have to live far out where the rent is affordable, because it’s more manly to have an abode to yourself than to be roomies. This way she will have less hesitation about coming over your place and hanging out there. Living with your parents? Are you motherloving kidding me? All my buddies who still live with their folks fail regularly in dating. These two go hand in hand.

26. Throw a Party at Your Home Every Two Months. Have your friends bring their friends. Don’t just order pizza, but prepare the food yourself. Serving as a party host is a most awesome way to boost your dating activity. The women are coming to meet you!

27. Volunteer. I feel so evil writing this but being a part of a volunteer community is a top-secret weapon for the real players. Seriously, targets lower their defense shields here. You’re also do something charitable to boot.

28. A Man of Quality Never Forgets PAL: Passion, Awareness and Leadership.

28-a) Passion: Being passionate about fantasy football is okay, but not as effective in dating as say the human rights issues in various nations. I once dished out to a cute girl everything I knew about the economic development that needs to happen for the poorest countries in this world (I was an econ major). She didn’t care much about Somalia as she did about listening to me ramble with gusto and masculinity.

28-b) Awareness: Be aware of 1) yourself, 2) your date, 3) the situation-at-hand, and 4) the situation-to-be. For instance, if you see a street you have to cross coming up (4), position yourself (1) closer to your date (2), and then at the right moment, grab her hand (3) to safely cross the street and not walk apart. She is your date, not a stranger, for crissake.

28-c) Leadership: It’s no good if you are passionate and aware but not a leader. Sometimes you just have to risk it and jump in. Lead and see if she follows. Reverse roles at the right time, wait and see if she leads you. Good leaders are also good followers. They also know where to go and how to get there.

29. Become a Student of Excellence. Most of my buddies who dislike their jobs also suck at engaging women. I don’t know why those two co-relate, maybe it has to do with self-actualization. Observe, read and experiment all things that are excellent and you shouldn’t have much problem with life, including dating. Figure out women, then there’s not much left to figure out.

Awkward On

This blog launched almost three years ago exaclty to the date. It started as an amusing exercise just for myself and people seemed to enjoy it. Then I got selfish and tried to make this bigger than intended.

It became a burden. I wasn’t so much sharing my stories and experiences in dating as I was entertaining, or trying to. And entertaining is hard, hard work. Because of this blog I deeply appreciate the written word and the artists behind them.

Attempting to keep the blog –or rather, the fun– alive, I tried various things like live podcasts, YouTube monologues, having contributing writers, contributing my own articles on other sites, and even writing a book. Ha! Sigh…

Did I fail? Yeah, I did fail, but that’s not accurate. Say there’s a guy named Bob. Bob likes to fish on weekends. He liked it so much that he tried to become pro by competing in tournaments. After a couple of years of trying, Bob gave up the tourneys and just went back to weekend fishing. Did Bob fail?

The most important lesson I learned from this blog is this: If you become a student of all things good, real and fun, you can’t fail. This applies for both dating and blogging.

I now have a girlfriend and I love her. We’ve been together for just over a year now, and it seems this is going to the next level. Maybe this is why I’ve been mentally checked out from blogging about dating.

Incidentally, it turns out my girlfriend discovered my blog a long time before we first met and she actually left a comment back then. Being the jerk that I am, I didn’t reply. Of course she brought that up on our first date. Fast forward to today: we now have a puppy. Things have moved forward, so I guess I should as well.

My thoughts these days orbit around settling down, building up my day-time business (I’m a real estate agent in Manhattan) and a few entrepreneurial ideas on the side. Maybe I’ll start another blog some day.

In any case, I’m deeply sad to end this blog, but closure is usually under-appreciated. I wish nothing but the best for you, reader and friend. Remember, when in doubt, just call her!

Awkward on,
danger

How Leadership Failure is Dating Failure for Men

Good Leader & Bad Leader
Good Leader, Bad Leader. One I would follow and one I would laugh at when he says pivot!

Surprise, surprise. Women want us men to be leaders on dates, even in this independent-women, Beyonce/Miley/Jennifer Lawrence post-modern age. Consider what many women find seriously unattractive on a first date:

… You mindlessly ask her, “Where should we meet?” or “What do you like?”
… You follow her suggestions for the date without any opinion.
… You are stubborn about following your plans no matter what, despite her discomfort.
… You are deathly quiet with her and don’t express much at all about anything.
… You don’t take care of the check on this first date.
… A stranger bumps into her in a rude way, but you don’t speak out and defend her.
… You don’t take her hand while crossing a street or walking around a crowd.
… You don’t call her to see if she arrived home safely.

These aren’t just failures in dating but also in leadership. One way to define a good leader is to ask, “Is anyone following him?” If the young, attractive female person doesn’t want to be with you, then you may have not been a good leader to her.

Taking the baton from the idea above, one lesson for both leaders and dating men is to make it difficult to NOT be with you.

I often advise guys to ditch the traditional dinner date and go with something simple and sweet, like hot chocolate, cappuccino, tea, ice cream, cheesecake, cupcakes, pastries, etc. Go on Yelp, find the very best of each venue in your town, and keep them in your notes. You now have a go-to list for first dates, all of which women generally cannot resist. Pick one you like yourself. For myself, I strongly, strongly prefer cheesecake.

My simple date request would then go like, You wanna meet me for cheesecake this Saturday afternoon? It’s this tiny corner place but has been around forever, has never failed me. A traditional dinner date might be long, dry, and fatally awkward with no room for escape until the meal is over. But sharing a slice of heavenly dessert presents itself too difficult to reject for most single women. Plus, it’s cheaper than dinner and takes less time, too. Hell, I would go on a dude-date over cheesecake, even though I’m not into dudes.

So remember. A good man on a date is not much more than being a good leader, making sure it is easy for her to be with you. You don’t have to be Richard Winters from Easy Company, because this isn’t Bastogne. It’s dating and the woman, when treated right, will follow you.

winters2
Don’t give me the palm, dude. I will have cheesecake with you regardless.

The Four Stages of Dating Competency

When I came across an idea called Four Stages of Competence, it blew my mind. It is the simplest yet most profound explanation of learning. Here I apply this concept to dating, a crucial yet over-looked life skill.

Skill? Is dating a skill? Let’s talk about this first.

Some will say no, dating is not a skill. What’s so hard about dating? Just go out, meet people, and be open-minded. Failure is the mother of success, they would say, so don’t give up and eventually you’ll find someone for you. (Speaking of mothers, this sounds like mine.)

I disagree. The Nike “Just Do It” approach to a potentially disastrous activity like dating can be foolish and painful. Understand that doing something –even at a high volume– does not necessarily mean that you’re doing it well. Going on back-to-back-to-back dates with three attractive individuals all within one day doesn’t mean that you’re dating well, even though you’re dating a lot. Dating may or may not be a skill, but dating well definitely is.

If it’s a skill, you can learn it. Let this sink into you. You can learn any skill, including dating. It is not impossible to learn how to date, not matter how awkward you are, nor how bad your track record has been.

Now, let’s go over the Four Stages of Dating Competency. Below is a helpful diagram.

4-stages-of-competence

 

Unconscious Incompetence or I Suck at Dating and I Don’t Even Know It”

I would guess-timate that half of all the singles are at this first stage. It is why they are single. They belong to the school that believes dating is NOT a skill, as mentioned above. Date, Crash & Burn, Repeat is their motto, and they think nothing of it.

‘I just need to meet the right person,’ ‘I need to try harder,’ and ‘Maybe I should take a break from dating’ are common excuses from this stage, all without a clear and concrete plan on improving. You can’t help but think they actually like failing and the overwhelming drama that comes with it.

Conscious Incompetence or “I Suck at Dating and I Admit It, So Help Me”

Learning a skill, such as dating well, can only begin once you realize the need for the skill. This is where you begin to ask questions, seek opinions from friends (and discover they’re all unconsciously incompetent), read blogs and books, and try new things.

The funny thing is that you don’t get better at dating, even though you expect it. Why do we feel entitled to better results when nothing, besides our admittance of incompetence, has changed? In any case, mistakes will continue but they are integral to the growth process.

Conscious Competence or “I’m Better at Dating But I Have to Try Really, Really Hard”

Experimenting is paying off. You set boundaries and routines, completely different than before. Now you are dating with an objective results-driven approach, as per your spreadsheet that logs all dates and prospects.

Instead of long, drawn-out first dates, you arrange for short-&-sweet coffee meet-ups. Instead of dragging things on for months on end, you mitigate the damages and cut ties with your dating-ish unofficial partner just after a month, too early by most unconsciously incompetent singles’ standards. Instead of being a victim of things moving too slow or too fast, the pace is under your control.

It takes a lot of effort and you have to concentrate extensively, but progress is here.

Unconscious Competence or “I’m Good at Dating and I Don’t Even Think About It” 

Your dating system has become a finely tuned machine, personally carved out by your sweat, tears, blood and mucus. You’re at a point where you can even predict the other person’s behavior even before you meet him/her for the first date. Damn, you’re good.

A special note on seeking advice from good daters: Don’t seek it, especially if you’re completely lost. Many of those who become exceptionally competent at a skill are not good teachers. Communication is also a skill, but it’s not required to be good at anything. This is why whenever I used to ask dating questions to my buddy Stevie, the resident Player-Emeritus in my circle of friends, the one who was always dating the hottest chick, he would always give the most vague, shortest answers, but repeat it ten-thousand times. “Don’t give her the power,” Stevie would confusingly muse. “Keep the power, don’t ever lose the power, the power is within the man, don’t ever empower the woman.” And so on. It’s better to learn things on your own and correspond with capable thinkers in the subject matter, like yours truly.

I know this sounds all cut and dry for something that should be organic, spontaneous and exciting like dating. But the reality is you either learn, or rather learn how to learn, or you court failure. Good things happen regularly when there is proper preparation.

What Do You Want in Dating?

2014

I feel like it’s now the appropriate time to address this question. The new year is just around the corner, after all.

Whenever I ask this question to single friends, many reply with some form of exclusive and committed relationship. Inside, I’m shaking my head. They’re all saying one thing, yet behaving in a completely contradictory fashion. We all want the benefits without the responsibilities, don’t we?

You can’t land a good catch hopping from bars and clubs and lounges three nights a week. You can’t Okcupid your way to a girlfriend or boyfriend. You can’t sex your way into a great relationship.

Many times I want to bitch-slap my single friends and shake some common sense into their delusional minds. But, of course, this turns out to be another speech for the mirror.

You’re single, you live like you’re single, but why do you whine, moan and grovel to find a significant other? Be at peace, be a grown-up and be your own person. Because if you can’t be that now, having another person in your life will certainly not help you get there.

So, no more Date-to-Commit in the new year. Just Date-to-Date. What’s one year, anyways? Get to know people, be more socially active, keep the relationship-obsessed monster in the closet, make new friends, take up hobbies both old and new, go on more dates and most importantly, know yourself.

What do you want in dating? That’s irrelevant. What you want is to be happy and be whole, whether you’re taken or single.

Search Engine Sunday: This Feels Awkward

JGL used to be awkward, but he has nothing to do with this post. And yet he does.
JGL used to be awkward, but he has nothing to do with this post. And yet he does.

A fun part of running your own blog is seeing what people google to find your site. Here are some interesting phrases people have used to discover Just Call Her, along with my comments.  I can’t make this stuff up!

tips for being talkative: Ask, ask, ask. What do you like to do in your free time? If you won the lottery, what would you do? What is your favorite _______? Are you a morning or night person?

what do women do about awkward texts: Well, how awkward is it? Just don’t reply if it’s too weird.

call a girl her phone goes straight to voicemail without ringing: Dude, do you not know how to leave a voicemail? My boilerplate voicemail message goes like: “Hey, ____ (Girl’s Name), it’s Danger. Just wanted to see how you’re doing and if you wanted to meet up this week. Call me back or text me. Good night.” Simple, direct and thoughtful.

horible first date, shud i call her: Yes, especially with that kind of spelling. You might think it went horribly, but it’s not so obvious to read women on first dates. Give her a call, chat for a bit, and ask her out again.

she did not enjoy my first date with her what must i do this feel awkward: Buddy, I’m not sure that you can do anything about it. Like the guy above, you can call her and see if she’s open to a second date, but your chances are kind of shot now. Make a last attempt, but also be prepared to move on.

if a guy text you and say call them should you call?: If this is the first call between you two, no.

normal to talk about marriage third date: It’s okay to talk about the topic of marriage, but not your own future marriage. Way too early.

what does it mean when a guy takes you out on date and at of the date he just kisses you on the cheek: It means he had a good time and he wants to see you again. But, for the love of puppies, wait for him to ask you out again.

time between second and third date: It can be anywhere from one day to two weeks, ideally within a week.

awkward guys are the best: Ladies and gentlemen, The Best Search Phrase of 2013.

I mean, just look at him. He is art.
I mean, just look at him. He is art.

Why Call When You Can Text?

wwcalls

Rock, fiction, chivalry… and the phone call. Are these all really dead?

Well, death be damned, because you got a number! This mobile telephonic numerical combination you possess belongs to an attractive, young lady. Whether it was a party, bar, online dating, farmers’ market, book club, hipster coffee joint, wedding, or funeral (Thank you, Will Ferrell), it really does not matter where you met her. All that matters is you have her number.

What are you going to do now? Are you really going to call her? For kitten’s sake, why would you call her?! Why can’t you just text her? It’s so much easier. You can send her a text message filled with wondrous romance like “sup.” If you need a little more class and formality, you can text her “wsup.” See, you have this game down.

So why call when you can text?

You Stand Out as Man Among Boys

Every dude, bro, dude bro, nice guy, awkward guy, douche, smooth operator, player, future husband and current husband (oh what…) engages in SMS texts with women. So if you’re acting in the same pattern of every male a certain attractive female has ever met, why do you matter to her? How would she perceive your value as a man if you blend in with all the men she has ever met as an adult?

But if you call her, you will instantly be different the instant she sees your incoming call. It can be a complete image overhaul for you all within a second or two, the time it takes for her brain to recognize that a manly man is calling her.

Oh My, What Big Balls You Have

Calling is bold, calling is ballsy. With today’s culture dependent on texting, women –at least the mature ones, the ones who won’t be like ‘Ew, why is he calling me?!’– will appreciate this bold and ballsy act from a man.

But you must not act like what you’re doing is amaze-balls. Even if it is your first time calling her or any female ever for that matter, pretend this is simply what you do. “Standard procedure, ma’am” is your motif. Because if you downplay it, the bold act looks even ballsier.

A Gentleman Calls

With one unique and bold act, you’re showing her that not one but two things are no longer dead: the phone call and chivalry.

Texting without calling is like a chump daydreaming about an easy lottery payout. But calling is like a working man busting his butt on the job. He’s earning it.

That is the essence of a gentleman. You don’t want things handed to you, especially things of value. You want to earn it, you want to work for it, and you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

And brother, I promise you, the ladies will take notice of your gentlemanly efforts.

Is She For Real?

Does she even want to date? Is she ready, willing and able to do so? What if she’s not? What if you’re not the only one interested in her? What if there are 536 other guys trying to date her? What if tomorrow she has to move to the wrong side of the world?

In a moment of liquid courage, I once obtained a number from a really cute girl at a bar. A couple of days later I called her, only to hear her confess, “Sorry, I’m moving to Korea this weekend.” Despite how ridiculous the situation was, I was relieved I had called. What if instead of calling I had texted her? I presume the new owner of that mobile number would not be pleased at my persistent texts.

Sure, she gave you her number. It’s a good sign, possibly meaning she is attracted to you. But more often than not, it’s not a big deal. Maybe she gave it to you because she felt bad for you. Maybe she gave it to make you go away. Maybe she wants to date, but her life is a mess. Maybe she’s a man.

So instead of spending hours, days and even weeks of texting, simply take ten minutes to call her and learn more about her. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn about a person just through their phone manners.

Does she take the call? If you leave a voicemail, does she call you back within a day or two? If you get her on the phone, does she sound happy that you called her? Is she shy, distracted or absent-minded or does she engage in the conversation? Is she giving you the benefit of a doubt?

Are You For Real?

When you call a woman, there is absolutely no way to fake the funk. The conversation is in real-time; there is virtually no waiting for a reply, no hiding behind a device or a screen, and no vague responses. A phone call is so real that silence for more than a few seconds can become unbearably awkward.

That is why you must call. You’re looking for a genuine connection with another human person, not just a date or sex. In a way you’re testing yourself. It’s not solely about being real with another person, but more with yourself. Are you serious about dating? Are you really trying? Or are you merely putting in half-assed, half-hearted effort?

Because if you’re not calling, then you’re not for real.

It’s Really Hard to Reject a Guy over the Phone

This is how easy it is for women to reject men through texting:

 

The blank space above represents nothing. Yup, it takes nothing for a woman to text-reject a man. I’m sure you’re familiar with the following scenario:

James texts: hey u wanna hang out sometime
Mary texts: (no reply)
James: how about dinner this week?
Mary: (no reply)
James: wsup
Mary: (no reply)
James: aw cmon
Mary: (no reply)

But if you can engage a woman over the phone, then it’s almost guaranteed that she will meet you one-on-one. All you have to do is ask.

So, have I convinced you to make the call? Share with me your thoughts or questions with a comment below. Sorry, I don’t take calls.

No Gifts Until 3rd Date

man-giving-gift-to-woman

Some guys bring a gift to the lady on the second date.

Some guys send flowers to her office after the first date.

And yet some guys come armed with goodies ON the first date, when they first meet.

Guys, guys, guys.

You must realize that most of your dating troubles arise because of over-eagerness. You’re already doing something that only a boyfriend should be doing. Compliments, treating her to nice (expensive) places, and showering her with gifts… This is all too much, too early.

She’s going to think A) you do this to all the girls you meet and thus she is not that special to you, B) you’re a wuss, so you basically have to bribe her with gifts to earn her affection or C) both.

If you really want to get her a little something, present it to her on the third date. Until then, don’t try so hard.