Dear Awkward Bro,
If she fixes her hair once every ten minutes, don’t trust her.
Trust me on this.
Just Call Her
Dear Awkward Bro,
If she fixes her hair once every ten minutes, don’t trust her.
Trust me on this.
Just Call Her
Welcome to another edition of Search Engine Sunday. Giggling isn’t something I do often, but I can’t help it when I review the Google searches people entered to find my blog here. Let’s review.
is it okay to call a woman on sunday: Of course it is. The ideal time I suggest is in the evening around 9 pm, when most people relax before the work week ahead.
dating fails it will never end: You sound hopeless… yet you’re searching this because you’re looking for solutions, right?
how long should i wait to text her again 2013: Kudos to you, bro, for looking up communication etiquette that is up-to-date. However, my recommendation here doesn’t change year to year. Simply reply when you see her text. If you’re busy, get back to it when you have a moment to craft your message. Because you’re an active and responsible guy, which she probably hopes you are, you won’t bother calculating the elapsed time between texts as you correspond with her.
do i ask a man out on a third date?: I say go for it. Great dating is made with two things: Intentional Action and Intentional In-Action. Once you do ask him out (Intentional Action) and he agrees to it, try not to do too much in terms of showing affection (Intentional In-Action). Give him a chance to lead.
how to end a second date: Embrace, look at each other, and kiss on the lips. Straight up.
she hugged me on first date: Good sign, but it’s the minimally good sign. It means if you entered a Creep Contest and she were the judge, you’d finish last place. Keep the momentum going with her, make it better. Make it exciting.
if she hasn’t kissed you by the third date, she’s there for the food: Uh, no. She’s waiting for you to make the right moves, because you haven’t made them. Instead you’re making her into a greedy foodie. Bastard. You deserve to be fruitless despite all the money and effort you dished out for her.
woman ask for 3rd date at her house: Before you go, shower and spray a little cologne on. Bring a bottle of champagne. Prepare for a long night, in the good sense, but don’t act like you’re entitled to it.
what purse to bring on first date: As long as it’s not a Hello Kitty purse and it’s not the size of a beach ball, you should be fine.
when men forget to call: Sweetie, have you heard of this book called, He’s Just Not that Into You?
i like this girl but i’m awkward: Aren’t we all? Just go for it. The smallest deed always trumps the greatest intention.
When I get emails in my blog inbox, it’s usually one of these:
But recently I got an email from someone named Jen Glantz. This email did not fit into one of the categories above. After close inspection, my eyebrows started to dance in anxious excitement as I discovered…
So, in two sittings, I examined her book. And in both sittings I laughed like this.
Let me just say this: Her dating book was so good, it had me thinking that I am actually not Korean but in fact, Jewish. This would explain a lot of things. In other words, read it.
Book bio: Chances are you’ve been there before: on an awkward first date where you find yourself stuck playing 20 questions with a person who has broccoli stuck in their teeth, or who spends half the evening whining about how their ex left them with an achy-breaky heart, or the one who shows up so on-the-rocks wasted that they end up passed out in their bowl of clam chowder before the main course arrives.
All My Friends Are Engaged is a collection of dating disaster stories, packed with witty and relatable answers to the age-old annoying question of “Why are you still single?” All the stories embarrassingly belong to the author, Jen Glantz, who you may have seen before on Thought Catalog, USA TODAY College, Thethingsilearnedfrom.com, or JDate.
Link to read a chapter: http://
thethingsilearnedfrom.com/ from-all-my-friends-are- engaged-the-ebook/
So, you like her.
You’ve liked for a while. But she doesn’t like you. You two haven’t dated at all.
It’s a crush, an infatuation, or an obsession. It’s one way, all the way.
But you believe you are good for her. If she only gets to know you, if she only spends time with you, if you can just get the right opportunity (say, get stranded on a deserted island for a month– you’re not the only dude who imagines this), then it’s a done deal. Because you’re good and you’ll be good to her.
Brother, you are completely clueless about women.
Good is… not good enough. Despite what your bitter and broken manly heart believes, quality single women are NOT allergic to good men. It’s only that good men, like yourself, present yourself as a good man.
Don’t be good. Instead, be new.
That beautiful she-thing you’ve been drooling over the past few ______ (insert weeks, months, or years)? Let her go, man.
But the new beautiful she-thing that you met last night at the bar? Full speed ahead, cap’n.
New is exciting, but good is boring. New is mysterious, but good is obvious. Present to her that you are new first, then show her that you are good. For example, don’t ask her out to an expensive sushi dinner for the first date. Try organic ice cream on a weekend afternoon instead.
Stop with sentimental romantic bullshit and look for new opportunities. Your chances will be ridiculously better.
It has to come to my attention that a good number of ladies out there –fine and smart as they are– are sad. And they are sad quite regularly.
Well, maybe sad isn’t the right word. Maybe heartbreak is more accurate. It’s overwhelming, all-consuming, painful and powerful.
No wonder heartbreak is so addictive.
It’s like men who have anger management issues. They aren’t just angry, but it’s like they have the need to be angry to get anything done and to get through the day.
I see women struggling the same way, but with heartbreak. Of course, after a serious, long-term relationship ends, one needs time to experience the pain and to heal. But… they are some women out there (and men, too) who seem to be breaking their own hearts and it’s not just a one-time deal.
Yes, your boyfriend may have left you. Yes, you may be single. But no one is forcing you to be a Debbie Downer. The person has departed from your life awhile ago. Why are you still stuck?
Heartbreak, rage, depression, melancholy, loneliness, boredom. These are all emotional addictions. I know I can’t help much with this dinky blog post, but I can say this: Identify your masochistic tendencies. Accept them and be aware of them. Do whatever it takes to overcome them.
If you can’t be a complete, grounded adult living in peace as a single, you’re only asking for trouble when you’re looking for the next partner.
I don’t follow musicals, but I’m happy to see a Broadway production entirely on the challenges –and awkwardness– in today’s dating. Go, Chuck!
1. Hi, nice to meet you. I’m a hugger. Do you hug? Let’s hug.
2. Sorry, I’m late. I had to feed my five cats, Max, Mocha, Momo, Muffin and Stephen Colbert.
3. Sorry, I’m late. I was talking about you with my mom before she dropped me off just now.
4. Sorry, I’m late. I lost track of time at the gym, so I skipped the shower. I’m not too sweaty right now, am I?
5. You look different from your photos. In person you look… healthier.
6. I’m a foodie. Are you a foodie, too? You totally look like a foodie, like totally.
7. Before we talk about anything, I have something very important to ask you… Have you met Jesus?
8. Hold, hold, hold. Something smells just fabulous. Do you use Herbal Essence? Lean in to me so I can smell your hair.
9. I’ve got one hour with you. Let’s get this over with.
10. I found you on Facebook last night. We have twenty-three mutual friends.
11. I found your old Xanga and I read everything in one sitting. I feel like I’m already intimate with you.
12. I found out you used to date a guy named Steve. What was that like?
13. I found out I used to date your former roommate. Is that okay?
14. You work at Google? Can I email you my resume right now? I’m unemployed.
15. Let’s get drunk tonight.
16. I don’t see what’s wrong with having a Liquid Cocaine on a first date.
17. Last night I read a book about seducing women. It said I should say your hair looks like a waffle. Is it working?
18. Hold on, let me Instagram your food.
19. Can I take your leftovers home? I want it for lunch tomorrow.
20. My buddies don’t believe I’m on a date right now. Can I send them a photo of us right now?
21. Don’t worry, I got the bill. You just be a woman and sit there pretty, okay?
22. Look, I already know you won’t see me again. I get it. But at least can you give me a long and tight hug before you go? I’m lonely.
23. I live a block away. You’re so coming.
24. Come meet my five cats. Stephen Colbert would be ecstatic to meet you.
Here’s a life-altering piece of advice: Get an arm-covering tattoo. Tell the ink artist, “I want you to put an entire story on my arm. You decide what that is.”
Then enjoy the rest of your single life –wearing short sleeves, of course– at bars and parties as inquisitive females approach you, asking you about your ink narrative.
It’s fun running a blog. You get to see what people search online, specifically what words they type, which leads them to find on your blog.
I’d like to share some of these search phrases, along with my comments, in my first Search Engine Sunday. Some of them are quite amusing.
does third date mean she likes me: Yes, I think it does. It’s what I call the ending of dating and the beginning of a relationship, at least an unofficial one. Why? Because both you and her have expectations from each other.
how to get a girls number at a party: I prefer the girl to type in her number into my phone herself. I just open up a new contact screen, enter her first name, and with the most unassuming face I ask her, “Hey, is it okay if I got your info?” as I hand my phone to her. It usually works. She may leave just an email address, but that means she’s taken or hesitant or both.
how to know if he wants a third date: He’ll call you, dear. Just you wait. Send him a text if you’d like, just to say hi and to nudge him along. Or hell, why don’t you ask him out?
awkward after dating guy from work: Well, duh! And it will never stop being awkward, so good job! Seriously though, if you want to make it un-awkward, don’t avoid him. Talk to him whenever you get the chance, at least in the office. It may risk leading him on, but you can always just say no if he asks you out again. Avoiding him will only make things more awkward.
how to be a manly leader in a dating relationship: Oh, geez. Forgive me, but I can’t stop giggling at this phrase. “Manly leader.” Omg, I’m dying. I have a strong feeling this dude isn’t doing too well in dating. Ahem, okay, let me try to be serious now.
You know what the best “manly leader” does? He makes it easy for the woman to be with the man. It’s not about who’s the leader and who’s the follower. It’s about understanding a woman, what makes her tick, what gets her going. And that, my man, is a few things.
But the first step is to stop using phrases like “manly leader.” Throw it out from your mind. You only earn that title when your woman says you are, anyways.
how to win a girls heart who rejected you: Ouch. Well, for one, you have to ask yourself: Are you trying to win her back because you have nothing else going on in your life? It’s not as cool and sexy as they do it in Hollywood. Most guys who want to get the girl back are… how should I politely say… losers. Whether they’re at a dead-end job, they’re not advancing in life overall, they lack ambition, or they have trouble maintaining other relationships such as friendships, they’re just out of it. No wonder they lost the girl.
Get back your life first, man. Don’t just be the man you always wanted to be. Instead, be the man you never knew you could be. Go beyond beyond. Then, I promise you with every molecule within me, you will earn the heart of a woman who will go anywhere to be with you. Be a man first, then find love.
first date tomm..what do i wear ?: For both boys and girls, I recommend bright colors, especially since it’s still summer. Accessorize. Smell good.